Bonus points for the song reference in the post title. Extra bonus points for the name name of the male performer of the song. Super-extra bonus points for the name of the female performer of the song, which I myself didn’t know until quite recently.

I am a bit of a perfectionist.

I also have a bit of a penchant for understatement.

Maybe my outlook on doing things correctly is standard for perfectionists, I don’t really know. But I do know that, for me, my perfectionism lies not in an inability to admit when I’ve made mistakes, when I’ve done things wrong, or when I’ve messed up. I don’t hate saying, “I was wrong” or “It’s my fault.” I don’t hate saying these things.

I hate knowing them.

As a perfectionist, I don’t believe that I am perfect; I just demand that I be. That being the case, my failings count double: I have not only failed at specific task, but I have failed to meet my own standards for myself. And, believe me, I do keep score.

I know that not all of my failings are wholly my fault. I know that. But I also know that in the moment of failure, being able to assign some of the blame away from myself is very cold comfort. When I’ve failed, who’s to blame is not the point. The failure itself is.

And, because of that, I tend to take a lot of the responsibility, a lot of the blame, on myself. Even when when I objectively know that other people, circumstances, or Fate, God, or the Universe should own a share. Living my life carrying more than my share of responsibility for what happens to and around me, always questioning and rethinking and rehashing my decisions is the downside to this.

But there is an upside to constant reflection, as well: Next time, I’ll know better.

At least, I hope I will.

I’ve done a lot of things wrong, in life. I’ve made lots of mistakes. I know this. And I hate it.

As I look back, there’s a lot to learn. I want to learn it. I think, to some extent, I have learned it and am still learning it—that may be what a lot of my more “serious” posts in this blog have been about.

The learning experiences haven’t been fun. But I have learned from them. Now, to put that learning into practice.

I guess it’s not world-shaking or anything new…. the perfectionist wanting to get it right. But I do, and maybe, just maybe, I’m better equipped to get it right. Because life doesn’t stop, and who knows when the next time is coming. Indeed, maybe every new day is a new opportunity, a new horizon, a new vista. Every new day I face is the next time.

And with each new next time, I want to get it right.